I’ve been procrastinating on this post because this is where the hard part starts. Talking about my struggles isn’t going to be easy. I personally feel that not many people like talking about their struggles because they don’t want to seem unfit for med school. I don’t blame them. Getting into med school is ridiculously competitive and no one wants to be in a vulnerable position.
I have always been embarrassed and ashamed of my failures. I feel unfit for medical school. I am not competitive for medical school. It sucks knowing your dream is on hold because you have to undo your failures.
As promised, I want to share my struggles/failures with you. I know I can’t be the only one that feels this way. I will be telling my story over the course of the next few weeks.
I hope you enjoy reading! Feel free to message me any questions or advice or hellos!
Let’s start from the beginning
I was an honor’s student in high school. I wasn’t exactly straight-A student, but my GPA was almost a 4.0. I was in honors and AP classes, but that was easy. I was in NHS and volunteering. It was great.
Fast forward to my freshman year of college. First semester of college was easy. I had scored high enough on my ACT to waive a lot of gen eds, so I was able to jump into prerequisites and electives. My classes were easy and my professors were great. Academically, things were perfect. Personally, not so much.
I am a first generation American and a first generation college student. My parents and I were clueless when it came to college. I was lost during the application process and I was even more lost during the financial aid process. Navigating college isn’t easy when you’re trying to juggle your academics plus financial issues plus acclimating to campus life. With that being said, I never really had a good support system.
Socially, I was making new friends. I went to a small university, so everyone knew everyone. I had this one particular friend, we’ll call her J, who I was spending a lot of time with. J was great; we were both bio majors, enjoyed a lot of the same things, and we both thought we were mastering adulthood (ha!). The problem with J was that she got a little too clingy. When I’d go home for a weekend, she’d constantly text me asking when I’d be returning to school. She also got jealous when I’d hangout with other friends. She wanted to be my only friend and it was draining.
I finally had the courage to cut ties with J a little over halfway through the semester. That’s when things got kinda ugly. I, thinking that J was a good person, had confided in J a lot of secrets. Big mistake, Mel. J started rumors about me and turned people against me. I lost a lot of “friends” and dealt with some drama, but it was whatever. I didn’t let that get to me. I had other friends who seemed to really like me.
They didn’t really like me that much. My roommate decided she was going to transfer to another school and moved out. She also unfollowed me on Twitter and deleted me from Facebook. My bestest friend, Z, moved to Oklahoma and left me behind. Both left on the same day.
I felt weird being in an empty room, but I didn’t let it get to me too much since I had to finish finals. I was doing great! Just had one more, calculus, and I was done with my first semester of college.
I was studying for my final in my empty room when Z’s roommate asked if he could come hangout. I didn’t know him too well, but I knew him enough to the point of enjoying his company.
I never got to take my calculus final. That night will forever haunt me.
To Be Continued…